Increasing your child’s frustration tolerance

Support your child by empathizing and encouraging problem-solving. If your child is frustrated, try this:

• Provide language for what you see. (“Tommy, I can see you are frustrated because your toy is not working.”)
• Label and check what your child is feeling. (“You look angry, is that right?”)
• Pause and wait for your child to respond.
• Provide options for a solution. (“Do you need help? Want to take a break or try again?”)

Many young children experience frustration or anger when we do not give in to a request. It is tempting to give in to avoid having a child feel anger or have a tantrum. However, building frustration tolerance over time requires not giving in.

Say no calmly, firmly, and with empathy. For example:

“Kaleb, you are not having cookies before dinner. Having cookies will make it less likely that you will eat dinner. I’m sorry this is hard. I love you and am here to help you until your anger is out.”

Offering a distraction can help: “Kaleb, why don’t you help daddy stir the pasta sauce?”

If your child has a tantrum, stay relaxed and wait until your child has calmed down.

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